I always thought codependency meant like you were in a relationship with your significant other and we’re just attached to the hip it was unhealthy like you couldn’t do nothing without them. (That’s wrong lol)
Apparently that’s not it. Lol I mean I’m not sure there are many people out there like that. And, in fact, codependency seems more common than we think. I’m not saying it to stress anybody out but rather by defining what codependency is, I’m hoping it gives us some techniques and things we can try to do to make us not feel like shit Nah mean?
Disclaimer: I’m not a medical professional just a dude trying to figure out my own mental health situation and I feel like sharing our information together may help us understand ourselves better. So make sure you doing all that you can do, talk to a medical professional, get meds, get therapy, get help. What you feeling is real but you can get better <3 All love.
Because I’m not a hundred percent of my own issues I think this will overlap a-lot with “perfectionist” traits so what I may be saying might only be relevant if you feel both those things. but nonetheless I hate reading fluff so as bullet points I think what im trying to get at is:
So what is Codependency?
Codependency is a behavioural condition where there’s an excessive reliance on other people’s approval for a sense of identity. So unlike what most of us think it doesn’t necessarily mean it needs to be caused by a significant other.
There’s going to be nuff definitions online and lots of reasoning, past-reflection and stuff like that. But as a general statement to help us (I mean me cause I have no idea who actually reads this) moving forward this the definition we going with.
- Codependency = feels more like you require approval from others to be happy from others
- I think mine is closely tied to “perfectionism”. Like I feel my self-value is tied to how well I get things done. Regardless of how ridiculous I know it sounds logically feelings be weird man. So although this thought isn’t necessarily tied to codependency directly I think the thought process is all the same because all the books are just trying to tell you that.
Your true happiness will com from your own self-esteem
How to fix Codependency
Both books on perfectionism and codependency will tell you the key things are:
- Listen to yourself
- Like really jot all those thoughts down, it seems irrational to write it down cause the thought so loud in your head but being able to see it on paper sometimes give you a different perspective and sometimes that’s all it takes.
- Personally I love to use this app: Sanvello iOS | Android
- Take care of yourself
- Do something for you: I know a lot harder done than said but I think if we find hobbies that we enjoy and stuff it’ll help our mental health. Find time to do something for you or something that YOU enjoy.
- Build Healthy Habits: As much as the previous thing makes me think of drinks the habits we build should also be healthy. So I’m not discrediting that thought cause maybe that all you feel right now but you can’t do that without putting your health first. You are all you got. Like my dad says you are number one, without that it doesn’t matter how many zeros you got behind you cause without the one it’s just a zero. Take care of you!
- Set Boundaries: I think the main reason the two things above are so hard for people like us to do is that we feel responsible for everybody else’s shit. So a next thing harder done than said (I keep saying it the other way in my head dunno which should be first), is to make sure you set boundaries.
- Do those two things first: We really shouldn’t be taking on any more tasks or other peoples emotions till you handle your own shit first. So if you dunno how to set boundaries that’s how you do it. Literally don’t do anything else until you’ve done something for yourself first. If you’re like me it always feels like other peoples stuff is more important but if you set up the logic of forcing yourself to do you first the urgency of other people shit will probably make you do your own stuff first. I dunno if that thought process is flawed but that’s what I’m trying right now and I feel a sense of motivation so that’s close enough for me to give it a shot.
- Just llow it: The amount of anxiety I’m feeling by putting others (clients, family, friends) in a queue is insane. I honestly feel like a freakin s*tshow and it’s eating me alive. But I’m just trying not to personally feel like sh$1 so if this what I gotta do to fix myself I’mma give it a shot. We’re going to feel uncomfortable but in theory on the other side of this ish is something better and the only way to find out is to actually do it.
So, straight up all in all there’s no fricken remedy for codependency much like there’s no cure for anger. It’s just something we’re gonna feel, some more than others. But just like anger we can choose how we react to it.
We gotta learn to recognize the symptoms (like the characteristics symptoms makes codependency feel like an incurable disease or something).
Take care of ourselves, try not to beat yourself up about it, your brain just be doing some s$21. So put yourself first, make healthy habits (workout, eat well, sleep well). and learn to be you again.
Books on Codependency I’m tryna read